In Baby News …

So I haven’t showered in … 3 days? And now would be my chance, except, “Dont’cha understand, ma? I gotta write?!

I’ve got blogging fever right now and I really want to keep it going. And I want to keep taking and ORGANIZING pictures. I’m feeling particularly good today in the few moments when I can squeeze in some writing and such.

Plus, looking out the window – it’s REALLY windy today – so I don’t think we’ll be going on a walk any time soon. And the post-office is closed today… So why do I need to have clean hair?

Moving on …


Eating with Baby

Eating with Baby 2

As I’m sitting here eating lunch bouncing Sebastian on one knee, holding a bottle in his mouth as he’s too young to do so himself, and eating with the other hand, I’ve realized, “Hey, I’m actually good at this!” Good in a way that I know my husband, and even many of my friends are not. I was holding a baby and his bottle, eating, and reading through my email, responding with one hand at the same time. It happened because I was determined to eat in one sitting while it was hot. After popping up and down several times to stick my face down at eye level where he was lying, and complaining, in his play gym, I scooped him up and grabbed the bottle with barely an ounce of cold expressed milk out of the fridge and ended up here.

And when I realized that there was no way my husband could manage to feed Sebastian a bottle and eat, much less be reading email, I felt talented! I felt skillful!

And I needed that, I really, really needed that. I feel extreme gratitude that I’m able to stay home indefinitely with my child, but I’m an intelligent 21st century woman, and I, of course, thought I’d be doing “more” with myself than this.

And I am, by continuing to write and imagine a creatively productive future for myself. I’m trying to re-define what work and success means – I think we’ve been incredibly closed minded about this since we broke through the barriers that kept us out of men’s careers in the past. Yes, we can now do what men do. But what else can we do? Can we create a world where we get to use our skills and intellects in the adult world, while being present for our children?

That is the never-ending question for someone like me. Because I will never be happy being “just a mommy,” or “just a housewife.”


1. Sebastian has had two bottom teeth for a few weeks and the jury is out on whether he will be getting more teeth sooner, or much later. But something may be happening because he has been quite irritable the past few days, grabbing fist-fulls of my hair – right at the roots if it’s pulled back – kicking and hitting me as he lies wide awake next to me in the wee hours of the night, and BITING me. (And he’s barely 5 months old, mind you, so none of this is conscious on his part and there isn’t really a way to modify his behavior, aside from reading his mind and fixing whatever it is that’s making him so discontent.)

He bit me really badly two days ago, bad enough that I’m panicking in my mind about what I will have to do if this problem gets worse. I’m not able to produce enough milk by pumping to pump exclusively for him. I think I might preemptively order some of those nipple shields. Yeah, even if I never use them, I think it will be better to have them around in case he does another angry clamp-down on my sore nipple. The pain of the abrasion he gave me is this searing, shooting pain I’d rather not make worse.

2. I got my period in the middle of the night last night. Wah, wah. 🙁 And I don’t understand why, since I breastfeed exclusively. My midwife had told me I could be fertile as soon as I missed a night feeding – and I don’t feed him for most of the night anymore. But still, since I’m still the sole source of nourishment for this growing boy, I thought my period would stay away longer.

So my to-do list now has at the top:

  • Order Diva cup online
  • Call midwives for birth control appointment
  • Oh, and order nipple shields.

As for the birth control, I think the safest thing to do while breastfeeding is the IUD … but it just gives me the heebie-jeebies for some reason, so I don’t know …. Any other suggestions?

Ha! I just might have time to shower before he wakes up!!! (She writes, just as he begins to stir in the other room …)

Me and Baby

Determined to Write, Also, Smartphones and Apps!

Here I sit with my baby asleep on my lap.

I’ve found it nearly impossible to write this past week. I want badly to keep up my blog and explore the issues on my mind, but new mommy-hood just gets in the way. I still have a really tough time putting Sebastian down and that usually leaves me with one hand to type, which I can hardly stand. For someone who has been typing fast and furious and without looking at the keys since typing class in 7th grade, it’s just too cumbersome and slow to hunt and peck. Plus I’m usually at an angle where I can’t see the letters, and without two hands in proper position, I can’t do it by feel, so I end up squinting at the keyboard and missing and re-typing over and over and over.

Then, there is the tiredness factor. Night after night, I try and fail to make changes towards having him stay asleep longer. I’m even trying a bit of the old co-sleeping because my breastfeeding book said it is the best way to get sleep. (Although Baby Wise, the book that is supposed to be the secret to getting a baby to sleep longer, insists that co-sleeping will rob me of sleep over time!) And with a brain this tired, it’s difficult to remember what I planned to write about.

So that leaves me where I find myself now, managing barely a post a week, yet wanting to post daily, and forgetting everything I wanted to post about all week when I do. Honestly, you wouldn’t think it would be this difficult. I have a smartphone – all I have to do is start writing notes about what I want to post about. But when I’m not trying to throw something in the laundry, load the dishwasher, or perform some act of grooming – such as an every-third-day-shower – I’ve got the baby fussing in my lap, using one hand to hold my boob in his mouth while I’m scrolling through Twitter, blogs, and Facebook on my new iPhone* with the other, and again, it’s impossible for me to type an entire blog-post with one hand.

Anyway, I’ve ordered a new mei tai style carrier online from BabyHawk. Unfortunately, with my perfectionism, it took me about three days to choose the fabrics (one side for my husband, and one side for me), and now I have to wait 3-10 days for them to even mail it.

But I’m certain that once I receive it, it will change my productivity level. Not only will I have two hands free for household chores, but I’ll be able to type with two hands (if not sitting down, than standing and rocking in front of my laptop at the kitchen counter). Let’s hope that it’s true!

*(As a side note, I have waited almost two years to trade in my Palm Centro for an iPhone and am in love! The baby was due in January and I was due for a new phone in February. I just kept playing those dates through my mind. January, baby. February, phone. January, baby. February, phone! And the iPhone 4 has not disappointed. I have Apps for all my needs. The TV Guide App has been very handy for watching TV in the bedroom, as I hardly seem to get up from this armchair while Tim is at work. And I have an App to help me remember which breast he’s fed on last and how long it has been since he fed last. And I’m truly grateful for this technology during this transition to motherhood and mommy-blogging. I can’t imagine how much more isolated I would have felt without access to other mothers online. Plus, I feel like I’m part of the club, since social media moms are five times more likely to carry a smart phone.)