Yesterday I took my lemons and I made some lemonade.
I did a little thought experiment that allowed me to have a better day than I would have otherwise, having gotten up on as wrong a side of the bed as possible.
I’ve written about my troubles getting enough sleep before. The first struggle is getting to sleep on time. The second struggle is staying asleep. Insomnia runs in my family. My mother, my aunt, and I all deal with it.
Now that I’m five months pregnant, I’ve got the old pregnancy insomnia.
Some people do fine on very little sleep. I do not. It makes me feel emotional and depressed.
The other night I got to bed relatively late again. Then my son woke me up crying at 3:30 and I could not for the life of me get back to sleep. Just when I felt I was finally dozing off again, and indeed dreaming, my husband’s alarm went off.
Now I felt like crying.
When I told him I’d been awake for hours he kindly got out of bed without pressing snooze (he’s an incorrigible snoozer) but it was too late. I wasn’t going to get that last half hour of sleep either.
This was my day to get things done while my son was at school! He goes to preschool two days a week and I had already spent most of Tuesday resting because I was just feeling completely wiped out that day – a sort of five-months-pregnant-sick-day.
I couldn’t bear to waste another day that I could be catching up on blogging and housework and dreaming big dreams for my self.
I felt the familiar tug. The depressed feeling. The negative spiral of thoughts. I felt like I might just cry all day long. Like I’d never make it through the day doing anything of value.
And then I stopped myself. I took a deep breath and I decided to be positive.
I thought, What about those times in your life when something really exciting is happening (like you have house guests you haven’t seen in years or you are going on a trip) and you pop out of bed despite being tired?
Couldn’t I just pretend it was one of those days?
What if I just got up today and enjoyed being alive?
What if I was excited to watch my son wake up and say his first adorable words of the day?
What if I was excited about catching my gym class after dropping him off at school?
It didn’t go of completely without a hitch. Right before I got out of bed my husband was tiptoeing out of the room to go on his morning run and I rolled over and complained to him,
“Sebby woke me up at 3:30 and I just couldn’t get back to sleep after that.”
“Aw. Sorry babe. Maybe you can take a nap today.”
(Here is where I lost it for a second – let’s blame the pregnancy hormones shall we?)
“Sure, because that’s how I love to spend my whole day!” I said as the tears welled in my eyes and my face began to crumple up in the cry-face.
I threw the sheet over my head.
“I know. I know it’s hard when you’re tired, but you will feel better if you exercise.” (I had already mentioned when the alarm went off that I didn’t know if I could go to the gym like I always do on Friday.)
I nodded, we said our “I love yous,” and he left for his run.
And I continued with my plan. I got straight out of bed, put on my gym clothes and got Sebby dressed, fed, and to school, and was five minutes early to my gym class.
And the class was awesome! Some days I feel pretty tired when I’m in class, given my condition, but yesterday I dug in and it just felt GOOD. Afterward I ran into a friend and I was able to help her out with her audition video to be a spin instructor at the gym – that never would have happened if I’d stayed home.
The rest of the day was pretty good. I felt much better than I had on Tuesday. I stayed positive. I did some organizing that needed to be done and set some goals.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t super-productive. My head was a little foggy and blank all day.
But I just went with the flow of the day I was given by circumstance. I accomplished what I could, I let go of the rest till another day, and I stayed in a pretty good mood all day.
I chose my mood.
Have any of you ever had an experience like this? Do you think some people just do this naturally, without giving it a second thought?